Hero Lies In You

This heart won't beat again.

Love. This love is only meant for you. I never gave it away to another guy. You are just about everything in my life. I sacrifice for you, i'll do anything for you. You're the first guy i did everything on my own, i told you that many times. I treated you better that my other ex.

Have your ex did anything like what i did for you? You told me you appreciate me. I believe you.

But you lied again, why lie that you didn't go to work? I'm really suprise that you say why did i call your house like i'm a spy. Is it wrong for your girlfriend to know just where are you because she's damn worried and also care for you? The reason i did that is because you didn't contact me. Everything is my fault, kan? Put all the blame on me, you don't understand me neither would you let me to understand you. But Azharbby, thanks taw for trying hard to make me stop crying while on the phone and make me laugh. It's not just about bad things we've been through and when we fought, we are more closer.

Life. I'm dreading everyday. Just about everything. I'm lacking self-confidence. Always reflecting upon self.

School. Days passed and i'm really not in a good mood. Especially in school. That someone always make me lose my patience. And i kept losing out on studies. Just gotten back report slip. From bad to worse. I'm not improving, i'm not focusing. I need help. I'm just trying so hard by myself and this feeling just sucks.

Friends. Thanks for everything girlfs(: Noone have ever been by my side. Only you guys and family. But you have been the most help. Knowing what happen and just showing care always. Never asking why when i don't want to share it. I don't mean to shout or to do anything to hurt you, but if i do, i'm just over reacting and also i don't think before i speak. I just keluar kan everything when i really being suckish. I'm really stress. Sorry if i don't have time for you guys. Since school is near to house, i need some rest. Iqaa, well, you know about me the most but some things are meant to be secrets and not to be told by others. Thanks for lending me an listening hear everytime when i have problems. Syazwani, thanks for caring towards me. Eventhough you don't really know the real problem. Just thanks for showing concern towards my feelings and my wellness. I'll try to cheer up alright? And of course, being with you guy just make my day. Actually, being with everyone makes me happy(:

sweetest hello,

3/27/2010 08:15:00 PM

Sumer pasal dhe!

Everything is always about her. She was the caused that we eveytime gado on the phone. I only ask why you are so concern about her and everytime care so much about her. ShaqilahShaqilahShaqilah! You always ask me to make friends with her! Why? If i make friends with her, then you would get more information about who i am?

You haven't known me, Azharbby. Yeasterday, fought again. I try to sabar and i change the topic. I never talked about things you don't wanna talk about. When i ask you how you know what time she would online today. You say, you just know. Yeah, right. That shows that you know more about her than me.

You promise not to hurt me, are you worth that guy that i'm suffering for? I'm reflecting upon myself, why you always compare me and her. Am i not good enough for you? I don't know what exactly do you want from me. I'm lazy to talk about her again, ok. Please don't ever mention her name again. It's not that i hate her or i look down or anything like that. It's just that because of her, we always fight. It's silly.

p.s: Azhar, is so gonna kill me because of this post.

sweetest hello,

3/26/2010 06:47:00 PM

break up is on my mind.

I'm really tired of just everything. I had enough. I'm really stress up right now.

Everyone just make me go mad and crazy.

Azharbby, you kept reading Syafiq's blog while talking with me on the phone. Thanks alot! We can't meet everyday, and when i ask you why you read his blog instead of talking to me, you claim that you are bored. Pandai kan. Talking to own girlfriend can bored right? I try to make you laugh and kept talking. But you just won't let me. One year, It has been one year. yet you still don't know me, you still scold me. I just sabar, I don't shout at you anymore. You noticed that? I really had enough, ok. School and friends had really pissed me off. And i want to share this burden and problem with you, not adding lagi problem. You understand me? When you ask me to do something, i would do it, and i would really sacrifice for you. Would you do that? How many times have you do that? I was begging you all this while to spend time with me.

Your excuse that you were just too busy with work and also because of your dad. yes, i know that your dad attitudes is like ______. (you say it yourself)

Can't you just be a dear boyfriend and sacrifice for you girlfriend sake?

I feel that i don't exsist around you. I told you that if you miss me, i'm just and sms and a call away. Tak susah sangat kan to just missed call me? I understand that sometimes your prepaid low. The thing that i don't understand is berat sangat ker your tangan to just picit my number and wait for it to ring, lepas tuh letak. Senang kan? Asal susah sangat nak buat?

I keep this feeling to myself taw. I don't shout at you even it is your fault. Blame me lagi la. Everything my fault right? I made your life miserable and i just a good-for-nothing girlfriend kan? You know yourself how i cried everynight. I cried straigt into your ears on the phone. I cried until i fall sick. I always miss you like crazy. You keep saying sorry, after that, you hurt me again. I'm not your doll, Azhar.

i'm trying so hard to understand that problem of yours. You just don't allow me to interrupt or lend you a listening year. You think you can handle everything by yourself, but you just can't! I wanted to help, jangan jadi kerek sangat bole tak! I wrote panjang2, you still would give me your attitude. You change alot. ALOT. I rarely know you anymore, FIFTEEN march? Where's that guy that i fall in love with? The one who search for me when i didn't text or call. The one who care for me and always have time to me, and also the one who listen attentively while i'm talking on the phone.

How miserable can i be? I prayed everyday. But God doesn't seem to help me. I'm really lacking confidence and hope in you and also God. Yes, ini cobaan. I already tried to accept. I prayed everyday asking when will this misery end and when could i feel the happines between me and Azhar, God haven't answered my pray. I'm trying so hard to solve my problems by myself. You won't help me Azhar. I'm alway on my own. Never once where you here for me. Does God want me to handle and solve my problem maturedly? And face this weakness of mine?

Anyone reading this would totally judge me right now. Go ahead. I suffered alot. You readers just shut up your mouth and pretend this post is a book that you found inside a drain. I really am very tired right now. Reall really am. I've lost hope. I've lost happiness. I can't hold on.

Laughing? Yes, i was happy during the day, when night falls..

You don't wanna know. All sorts of things happened.

Please don't ask me any question alright. This post is only meant for Azhar. I can't send him a msg as it's way too long. And i can't tulis on surat, as there's a high chance that he'll tear or burnt it because of angryness. If i talked to him, haish. I tried. Dah berbuih my mulut. Masuk otak tapi keluar balik. Waste my energy and tears.

Azhar is different. Well, each one of my ex is different. I only have 2 ex. So can remember clearly. Don't want to elaborate more. This post is specially for Azhar, not ex talking here.

This is seriously my longest post i had written for Azharbby, Even Anniversaries are not this long.

sweetest hello,

3/25/2010 02:12:00 AM

I stole their hearts.

SEVENTEEN march 2010

Went out with girlfriends. Aww.. I miss Farhanah Effendi so much! Can't believe she agree to keluar dengan kite. Maner tawu dher malu abehy dher tak nak. Gosh. Truly miss her. Nanti kite nak keluar, kiter ajak kau skali, ok? Rindu sangat seh. Grr. We talked ALOT! Sharing stories of what happen kat skola, gossiping about primary school friends on how much they have change.

Meet at Tampines Interchange. Then off to catch the MRT, sit and hear songs. Arrived at City Hall, change MRT, drop off at Somerset. First and Foremost, off to Somerset 313! Seriously, it's damn big. At last dapat window shopping kat situh. This is seriously my last ONE WEEK of holiday that i can enjoy. Drill after that! We run to find the toilet, toilets is a must to see. Quite lawaa. And then cari tempat makan. Saw LJS and KFC. But most choose KFC. Dig in. We can't concentrate on shopping with an empty stomach right? Lepas makan, go to the top-est floor. Tatawu la brape tingkat, we just naik the escalator, lift jauh. Went into almost sume kedai! but slacked the most kat Forever21 and Uniqlo. Went to macd to buy ice-cream. I was the only one who craves and eats alot. Goshy. Jalan2 sampai sesat kat Istana Park near Buyong Rd. We just walk until nampak bustop. Took bus 16 and drop opp Suntec, walked in search of the Esplanade. Panas gyler seh! halermak. Then slacked kat Esplanade Terrace Top. Took pictures. And head home. Bought Nasi Lemak at Qiji, because i was again, Hungry.

I'LL ALREADY POSTED THE PICTURES AT FACEBOOK.

SIXTEEN march 2010

Sleep over at Iqaaa house as tomorrow we are going out and have a freaking good time. We slept at 3am. Pasal ader orang call and just can't see me and iqaa go to bed siang. grr! Anyway, talked talked talked about how excited both of us were going to be tomorrow. And we like wishing and craving and wanting for both of us to be sisters! haha. I can imagine babe. Gerek kan.!

sweetest hello,

3/18/2010 06:33:00 PM

I Ripped off this day.

FIFTEEN march 2010

Supposed to keluar dengan bby. But i know, confirm tak bole. Have always been like this. Have never celebrate on this special day itself. Only celebrate it in advance, WAY advance or belated. Haish. I don't wish to talk about it. People please ignore that i have someone. I do have him in my heart and life. But please don't ask. I don't know how to explain to you guys.

Bby if you are reading this, You sendiri tawu kan how hard we've been through.
Don't be sad or hurt while reading those up there. But, you and i know it ourself.

Anyway, study session with FARAHIN STAR. How i miss going out with her. So dated her on my anniversary. Spent few hours of bonding time because she have to fetch Sham from school after his soccer practice. We keluar kan buku and calculator, but we talked alot. HAHA! And also took alot of photos with her(below) Next time keluar lagi okehy? Meet syazwani and Iqaa. Syaz balik. Iqaa followed me to teman Farahin gi skolaa baru. I wanted to see how much they have demolished the building and change it. It's big! And the parade square is kat dalam! I think, aku boleh sesat! Going there this Friday, 19thMARCH. Softlaunch of the new Tampines Secondary School. Off to iqaa's house after that. Joked there and went home.

sweetest hello,

3/18/2010 06:18:00 PM

One year baby

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY

To ♥bby,

I tak sangke we made it this far, despite all those times we fought and also all those times we scold each other.

It's a miracle just being able to last long with you.

We may not be like other couple. We both know that. We aren't able to meet each other like everyday. Yes, memories are kept deep inside my heart. Yes, you never wanted to take pictures. Even your pictures alone can't fade away this feeling of miss towards you. You hurt me umpteen times. And i hurt you too. Everynight without me shouting at you would be a miracle.

You know and heard it yourself how i cried so hard for you. Just hurting myself. I suffer alot, and i want you to be that person to suffer it with me. One year is a long period of time. What have we been through?

You fikir balik. Mostly bad memories. Enough kay? We end it bolehy? All these misery. I sorry for everything, i already maafkan you.

I really wished we can get along fine. I'm hurt so many times it's because you never had time for me.

While on the phone, you kept asking me to wait.

When we meet, you would always put me aside.

When chatting in msn, you would always reply late.

When messaging, i have to missed call you baru you reply my messages. Itu pun short sentence je. I waste my effort typing panjang2! argh.

I'm so mad at you!

Yes, i've been over-protective.

I'm really just afraid that someone else might just rampas you away from me.

You know sendiri kan how scare i am if that happens.

And it's very unfair to you. I really truly love you.

I trust you. Please don't destroy that trust.

I love you ever so much, Azhar.

Thanks for just being that dearest who can survive with my attitude.

FIFTEENMARCH

150309

sweetest hello,

3/15/2010 02:12:00 AM

kill you.

I'm in a mood to scold people.

Kill you. Kill her. Kill him.

Kill bastards. Kill b*tches. Kill whores. Kill slut.

Kill bestfriend. Kill EVERYONE.

sweetest hello,

3/14/2010 03:03:00 PM

Let's Go Out & Play

Get hipped out and just chill.

Currently planning outings with friends. Almost everyday i'm busy during March Holidays. Luckily i request no work for me this March Holiday. Because i know i'm gonna get booked. And i totally wanna have fun with this Lovelies. We haven't confirm the date tho. Well, there's always modern stuff. I'll contact you lovelies through handphone alrights?

TEN&ELEVEN march

Unmatured Secondary Three(s) had a fight.

Childish. Pathetic. Hidious.

Fighting over a girl? That doesn't even worth your love?

SomeONE trying to be a Hero here and start a fight. Well, thanks alot.

Is this what you called Friendship between Classmates for 3years with my brother?

Pathetic to fought with friends over a girl. Serious, she isn't f*cking pretty.

Doesn't even worth what you are fighting for!

Doesn't treasure you love and care!

Let's see ay, b*tch. Shall we?

JANUARY. FEBRUARY. MARCH.

I made a mistake. Slacking when you know it's already JANUARY. Eventhough it is the starting of the year and we all know, we are in a holiday mood. But, i slacked to much. Time passes by fast. Happy moments pass by fast. Now comes MARCH. I'm still struggling and have low self confidence on how my attitude towards N level. My results aren't that satisfying. I'm lacking in focus. My mind are off. Physically there, but not Mentally there. I've got to start focusing and not just slacking off. More people are getting kicked out off school. Principal will tolerate Zero Tolerance. We can't registered for N level if our performance are bad. Seems, March School Holidays is the last we can enjoy and chill our butts off.

sweetest hello,

3/12/2010 01:32:00 AM

gambar ku

sweetest hello,

3/09/2010 10:59:00 PM