Hero Lies In You

awwhh sweetie

My reply to Syaz post.

alaa. asal love you guys(as friends only) ?

Lebih tak lei eh? alaaa. i sayang you! ahahha! Sorry, Fanna giler.

Lek'ah. Syaz bukan Syazwan eh.

Syaz tu Syazwani, with an I kat BELAKANG namer SYAZWAN.

Jangan tersilap pulak eh, Iqa!

Ni Fanna nyer post pulak.

To iqa:

aku dah banyak kali puji pasal kau eh. dah banyak post pasal kau.

Ni tambah lagi. Tapi semuer nyer ikhlas eh. Bukan dengan paksa. All come from this heart.

Thanks la banyak2 pasal tahan dengan karena and attitude aku. Thanks for being there for me when i need someone to confront because of my problems. Thanks for helping me voice out my problems by giving me a place to lean on. I really appreciate it. Thanks for just being that best setia friend of mine. Aku sayang kau banyak la Bodo! Lagi aper eh to make you cry? hmm..

Ni post bukan buat kau nangis, buat kau ketawe lagi ader. Halermak.

you ader problem pun you cari i perh. kadang2 cari orang lain. Jealous i. You tatawu ker? haha!

eeeee! imagine iqaa kiter bobal i you i you

-Fanna tengah kutuk orang with the above sentence.

To Syazwani:

Aww. thank you dearest. Yes, i know kiter tak rapat. And tak layan or jumpe selalu. But thanks for making my circle of friends bigger by being my friend. Terime kasih la sangat eh. Cute la kau ni. haha. Everytime make me laugh when we jalan2 samer2. Eh, english campur malay aku rabak urh. Sorry2. janji kau paham sudah. haha. aper aku bobal?

oh, thanks for those moments since sec one i met you. thanks for sharing you secret or any of you kelakar moments to me. Eventho you don't know me that well, (jangan pernah pun, you won't like it. Fanna kan devil) hahah. anyway, just thanks thanks and thanks so much. Aku sayang kau juga la bodo(you know how i say bodo)

sweetest hello,

2/27/2010 06:29:00 PM

punk'd?

PUNK'D?

Below, my previous post is just Karangan. But some of the paragraph is actually true. The first and the last part tu tak betul ok. Just my karangan. And i really cried when writting this karangan.

BbyAzhar says it's sweet.

Aww.. I love you.

sweetest hello,

2/26/2010 09:24:00 PM

If we ever meet again..

Kesilapanku.

Tiada sesiapa lagi yang ingin menyayangiku dan juga mencintaiku. Setiap hari, air mataku mengalir dari mata dan membasahi pipiku. Aku sedang memikirkan tentang teman lelaki ku yang sudah pergi meninggalkanku. Aku amat sedih dan keseorangan kerana telah menghilang jejaka yang amat aku sayangi. Dialah jejaka yang aku paling percaya dan tempat aku mencari kasih sayang. Tetapi aku membuat silap. Aku kesal atas perbuatanku. Aku telah menghiatinya. Aku tidak perdulikannya. Aku amat kejam, tidak mempunyai perasaan kasihan dan aku tamak.

Azhar, hanya seorang dalam hatiku. Aku kesal aku amat tamak. Aku tidak memberikannya kebebasan untuk bergaul dengan kawan-kawannya. Aku tamak untuk memiliki cintanya.

Selama satu tahun kami bersama,, aku sudah kenal pasti dengan perangainya. Dia nakal dan suka berfoya-foya. Dia sering mengatal dengan perempuan lain. Aku bagaikan patung dalam kehidupannya. Aku sakit hati, aku mula berubah perangai. Apabila aku berjumpanya, aku selalu membaca mesej untuk kepastian. Aku sering memarahinya dan menuduhnya. Dia tetap

bersabar, aku tidak tahu kenapa tidak sekalipun dia memarahi atau memukul aku.

Aku memijak kepalanya dan mengambil kesempatan atas dirinya. Aku salah menggunakan kebaikan dan keikhlasannya. Aku hanya fikirkan diriku. Diriku yang tamak. Aku tamak sangat untuk mempunyai semua cintanya dan juga aku tidak mahu dia meninggalkanku, aku ingin dia menjadi milikku. Perasaan tamak ini telah menguasi tubuhku. Aku seperti dipenjara dalam hatiku sendiri. Tanpaku sedari, masih ada satu lagi rahsia dia menyembuyi dariku, penyakitnya.

Aku masih ingat penderitaanku dalam wad hospital. Aku ternampak dia sedang tidur di atas katil. Di sebelahnya mempunyai kotak berwarna merah jambu yang mempunyai namaki di atas. Kotak itu mengandungi sekeping surat, sebuah buku diari dan gambar-gambar kami bersama. Aku membaca surat itu...

" Sayangku,

I tahu you tak sanggup untuk menerima khabar ini. Tapi ini sudah kenyataan. Kita tidak dijodohkan untuk bersama. I tahu yang you sayangkan i, i lagi sayangkan you. Walaupun you selalu mengawal i, i tahu you tak nak i pergi ke perempuan lain. I tahu i nakal dulu. I minta maaf k? You pun kadang-kadang nakal. I dah maafkan you tau. I minta maaf pasal i tak bilang you pasal penyakit i. I diserang oleh penyakit barah. I tak boleh hidup lama, i cuba untuk membuat you bahagia dan senyum selalu. Tetapi i gagal. I betul minta maaf, i bukan untuk you. Ada lelaki lain yang akan memberikan you segalanya. Dia sesuai dan sempurna untuk you. I amat merindui mu. Ini permintaan i yang terakhir, I ingn merasakan pelukan you dan ciuman you yang terakhir. Termima kasih sayang. I akan sentiasa mengingati you.

Selamat tinggal kasih."

Ikhlas Menyayangimu,

Azhar.

Aku memberi permintaannya. Aku memeluk dan memberi ciuman yang terakhir. Air mataku minitis di pipinya. Dia membuka matanya dan mengelap air mataku. Dia memegang tanganku lalu meletak di atas dadanya sambil menutup matanya perlahan-lahan. Dia mengucap sebelum dia melafazkan nafasnya yang terakhir. Aku tidak berhenti menangis atas kepergiannya buat selamanya. Aku tidak sedia menjalani kehidupanku tanpanya disisiku. Ternyata Allah lebih menyayanginya. Aku rugi dan kesal atas perangai tamakku! Aku tidak harus membuatnya sebegitu. Aku amat menyesal kelakuanku. Aku tidak boleh maafkan diriku sendiri. Aku ingin putar masa balik! Aku ingin dia kembali kepadaku!

sweetest hello,

2/23/2010 07:55:00 PM

Impossible.

Everytime i tried to open up your mind telling everything is going to be alright. It doesn't work. Everytime i tried, it always fail. Never knowing why i never succeed in comforting you. Always.
I'm crying my eyes out while writing this. i struggle to type what i want to say. I'm expressing my feelings out. I'm voicing my heart out. And i've gone crazy over you. Why?

Dear God, just why can't i be in a relationship like any other?

Why do i have to suffer. It's a long period of time. I kept hurting myself.

I can't hold on anymore. I really love him. Couldn't he feel the same?

sweetest hello,

2/23/2010 07:08:00 PM

Flash-ed back

It's been hard and tiring these few days. Worked myself up last four days since the Chinese New Year short hols. It's been really really hard. Without him by my side. Noone there to say Goodnight before sleep after 8 hours of working and hung up on OT. Down crew. Really upset right now. Really wanted him here again. It's only been four days since he departed to Kuala Lumpur. He'll be back. But it feels like his not coming back. I'm trying so hard surviving without receiving his phone calls. Valentine's day and Eleven Monthsary have to be delayed.

Azhar bby, i prayed for your safety and also your family safety.

Come back home soon and safely. Yes, i received your msg that you asked kakak to sent for me. Thanks for asking her to watch over me. But i'm fine, i guess.

I'm trying. You know right, how hard it is for me.

Thanks for asking my well being and everything. Thanks for remembering me when you are there having fun. I really hope everything went well over there.

Please meet me soon after you came home from there alright?

You meant everything to me. Just everything.

I cried everynight thinking when we could ever be together.

Do you feel the same? Do you appreciate the sacrifices i made just specially for you?

Please understand me. I'm so lonely..

Can you felt this heartbeat pumping loudly, blood rush through my vein so quickly.

I'm craving for YOU.

I want you to share this burden with me.

Just having you by my side and in my heart will ease this burden.

I miss you so much. Ever so much.

sweetest hello,

2/18/2010 01:20:00 AM

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